I know we have all heard the saying “ it takes two”. As I go through a list of things that requires two people I cannot help but make a connection between the saying “it takes two” with relationships.
IT TAKES TWO
Throughout this blog, you will find yourself saying this in your head more times than I am almost certain you would want to. Sorry but not sorry. I need you to get it!
This is purposely done because I need my readers that are in relationships or have a desire to be in a healthy relationship to in fact understand it undoubtedly takes two!!
“IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO”
I know people say it very often but do you know the meaning behind it?
It means both parties involved in a situation or argument are responsible for it. So with that being said is it safe to say that it takes the two people who are involved in the relationship to take on the responsibility of making sure the relationship works out? Make sure it is healthy! Make sure it is not easily broken! Make sure the foundation is solid!
When I think of two people in a relationship, I think of a duet, which comes from the Italian word Duetto. Duetto is a musical composition for two voices. The word duo means two.
Duet- two people performing music together
If you have two people singing but one or both of the singers are not familiar with their key/note or the composition. They cannot perform the duet correctly. To be successful you would have to know as well as understand your part. A duet requires two voices. (or instruments )
For example, let’s say there is a show and two individuals have decided to sing a duet, for it to be done accurately they would have to have some preparation.
Both would have to practice individually and cooperatively!
Both would have to show up for practice!
Both would have to want to be a part of the show!
Now let us correlate this concept with relationships with the relationship being the “show”
- Both would have to understand that its going to take some work (practice) independently
You have to be so in-tuned with yourself that you understand that you need to work on your own toxic behaviors as an individual. Not the unwanted behaviors that others tell you but the unwanted behaviors that you recognize within yourself. You have to first be willing to practice learning, identifying, and accepting yourself (even the bad) so that you can become a better version of yourself.
Be mindful it takes two.
One cannot be willing and effortlessly not trying because when the time comes to practice simultaneously someone is going to be frustrated and possibly back out of the entire show.
As a dance team leader, there was nothing more frustrating than coming to practice and having to individually teach people their lead parts when they were supposedly set aside time and learn them on their own.
2. Practicing in conjunction
This is when the two come together to help correct each other’s misunderstandings. This is important because maybe you could not see something in yourself that your partner did. I can attest that self analyzation is hard sometimes and we can overlook some things because we KNOW ourselves. ( so we think) We know our intentions are pure but even when we have uncontaminated intentions we must understand that we can also unconsciously sabotage the show.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, it deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 27:6
This is where we practice the things that others may recognize within ourselves. Yes, you have recognized what you see but what about the things you cannot see. Not because you don’t want to see it but because oftentimes the things we are used to doing or having been taught to do become so natural it’s unrecognizable until someone else points it out.
3. How bad do you want it?
No seriously, answer the question? How bad do you want to be a part of the show because if you do not, then nothing else matters and you are wasting the other person’s time? Yours too! One person cannot be the only person practicing and if you don’t want to be there it will be revealed because during practice your body language is negative, you are half-singing, not doing your part, and very argumentative. Not to mention your attitude sucks and now the entire vibe is thrown off. Remember it takes two to create a duet and it also takes two to want it bad enough to be successful. You can be willing to practice but not have the desire to. There is a huge difference! You can be willing because of history, loyalty, commitment to family, fear, unwanted changes, and bonds BUT what does any of that matter if you don’t want to be there? You can be willing to show up to the practice and still not become better because you are not putting in the work or you can show up and not be prepared because again you do not want to be there. Willing to do something seems more like a sacrifice. It’s like you are sacrificing your wants because of history, loyalty, commitment to family, fear or, bonds. That’s tough!
Do two men walk together unless they have made an appointment?
Amos 3:3
Now realistically after reading this far if you want it bad enough…..
Are you willing to sabotage the entire relationship by not practicing your part?
Are you willing to deal with what comes along with self-sabotage? ( that’s a whole other blog)
How important is the relationship to you?
Do you want to be in the relationship because of other reasons (listed above) or is this something you really want with the other individual?
If you can answer all these answers truthfully and realize that you indeed want the relationship then it’s time to put it into practice to become a better version of yourself. It takes two, nothing falls all on one person it takes two people who are willing WITH the same desires.
Be mindful!!
You must go in with a clear mind and a clean slate. You cannot bring any insecurities from your past or theirs because if you do that means you need to go back and do some more individual practice before even attempting to be in a relationship. Also, be careful not to rush anything no matter what the reason is. Trust God’s timing.
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
Ecclesiastes 4:9