Thirty-Free (33)

I am 33!

Thirty-three years of age! Whew!

It sounds so strange because it feels like yesterday I was just a teenager, going through the motions of life but here I am. For the past fours year, I had made it a tradition to celebrate my birthday in major ways. Every year I had decided to do something eventful and memorable. I do not celebrate many traditional holidays, so my birthday was my holiday to celebrate my life. Every year I had a hashtag and it started when I turned twenty-nine; it was #timetoshutitdown #thebirthdaygirl #is29. I know corny, right, but that was the year I first went ziplining, and every year after, I had a new hashtag and a new adventure that I wanted to conquer.

Fast forward to this year, turning 33 in 2021. I was sitting in my room thinking about what would be my hashtag this year? Where would I go? What would I do? What rhymes with (three)? I sat there saying things like me, see, we, she, he, knee, agree, guarantee, jubilee, I think you all get the point!

About a week before my birthday, March 8th, I told a friend that I did not want to do anything big for my day. I am not sure if it was because I was getting older or not. I just knew all I wanted was good vibes and positive energy and if that meant being alone this year then I was okay with that! People asked me day in and day out, “what are you doing?” I kept saying I did not know. Ideas would come about then I would try to plan it but something would happen that would bring my thoughts back to reality as to why I did not want to do anything.

But………although I did not want to do anything…..

I still planned something.

NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO!

I planned something because everyone else wanted me to. I had become so accustomed to not being truthful in how I felt because:

1. I felt obligated.
2. I don’t particularly appreciate saying no.
3. I’m not particularly eager to hurt people’s feelings.
4. I overthink EVERYTHING!

I seldom put myself first because of those things. In my head, remember I said I was an over-thinker, I thought maybe I am supposed to spend time with someone. Maybe it is a deeper reason to why they kept asking me. I then begin to say think what if this was my last birthday! The point is I would have felt bad had I said no. I had so many thoughts running through my mind. I gave in! I planned a weekend of events.

A few days before my birthday I wanted to cancel everything. I was so overwhelmed with emotions but I knew I had to get myself together. I realized I was being held captive by the thoughts and feelings of everyone I care about and that I neglect myself as well as my feelings.

Imagine where you could be and reflect on the opportunities you have missed out on.

Then it came to me. My hashtag would be thirty-free because this is the year I free myself from it all.

My eventful event this year would be to free myself!

I am freeing myself of feeling like I am obligated

I am freeing myself from unsupportive family and friends

I am freeing myself from what people THINK of me

I am freeing myself from any unhealthy emotional and physical attachments

I will no longer sit at tables where the conversations are of jealousy and hate

I will no longer go to places where I feel uncomfortable

I will learn to say No!

I am not getting involved in things that does not involve me

and most importantly I am guarding my heart

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the springs of life.

(Proverbs 4:23)

Be wise to know and understand that as soon as you speak positivity into the atmosphere, there will come people and inessential situations that will try to defeat you, BUT they serve no purpose!

Stand your ground!! Be Consistent!! Know that God is always near!!

This birthday was my year of freedom and I am not going back

Like a dog that returns to its vomit, so is a fool who repeats his foolishness

(Proverb 26:11)

Until next time, as always

pray daily. eat well. read more.